Music update

Due to unforseen circumstances, the planned followup to Red Jean Blues has been postponed for the forseeable future.

This does not preclude the release of other material- I am delaying the release of this particular single due to the lyrical content not meshing well with my current situation. In other words, it’s “too soon”. This does not mean it will never be released, in fact I may feel comfortable releasing it when enough time has passed.

I am to resume work on the Notorious Nine’s debut album shortly.


I have another passion apart from rambling incoherently on the internet

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a rockstar. At the age of 5 I idolised Liam Gallagher, owning several pairs of his favourite kind of shades and happily tearing off my “Brian Clough” green jumper in the middle of class to reveal an Oasis T-shirt. As was the style of the time I moved onto the Spice Girls, but never quite shook off my roots.

So you can conclude that this passion is music. But I just don’t have the personality to be flashy and outgoing, as much as I want to be. I make Morrissey look like Pee Wee Herman. Nevertheless, the internet has opened up channels previously closed to the wannabe musician. And so here is the project I have teased previously.

Introducing my group* The Notorious Nine and our debut single Red Jean Blues! Apparently, this song is already number one in Azerbaijan!

Musically, we believe that genre is a restrictive, unnecessary category and that liberties should be taken in all endeavours. If I wake up in a doo-wop mood, I’ll write a doo-wop song. If I wake up in a rock mood on the day of recording said doo-wop song, I’ll give it an edge during recording. The overarching theme is “do what thou willst”. This “labelless” approach also has a double meaning- by not being tied to a label, we are free to release whatever the fuck we want, when we want it. We won’t be pressured into doing another RJB just because that song was a big hit in Azerbaijan. If we ever do get signed to a major label, artistic freedom must be guaranteed or ELSE.

Keep an eye out for our debut album, coming soon!

*Okay, I may be stretching the truth a little here. The Notorious Nine is, at the moment, merely a one-person project- that person being me. The name is nonindicative of the actual number of members- whoever shows up on the day can be a member! However, I have approached interested parties and they may be appearing on upcoming releases.

One year on

Well, it’s been one year since the world’s greatest comedian came into office. One year of sheer hilarity communicated through the type of inepitude that would get anyone in a lesser position fired.

When Donald isn’t engaging in a cold war with an equally incompetent leader, he’s calling countries he doesn’t like “shitholes” and banning people from said countries from entering the US with a complete disregard for their still rebuilding from natural disasters which all but destroyed them.

Is this how a world leader should act? No! While world leaders have every right to an opinion, they should do it in a dignified manner that befits their position. As representatives of their country, they should give off a good impression. Even Bush could give an air of dignity to his constant warmongering, no doubt assisted by his many aides.

So thank you Donald for making politics even more of a shithole.


If 2016 was the year all the celebrities died, 2017 will be remembered as the year humanity died.

The year we regressed to primal instincts over a man who was until recently the American version of Alan Sugar. A man who is an absolute idiot in the Bush mould, pandering to a base that still thinks 9/11 was yesterday. People have been KILLED over these arguments. This isn’t healthy at all.

2017 also ended with a kid being “swatted” to death over an argument in Call of Duty. Swatting, for the unaware, is the practice of sending a SWAT team to somebody’s house as a prank. It happens mostly in online gaming, and it was a stupid idea to begin with. To think it wasn’t going to end in somebody being killed or seriously injured was a deluded belief.

We live in an era of animals. An era where the Bushian cry of “it’s okay to kill innocent people if they disagree with us!” has been transposed onto the public. An era where we consider somebody’s beliefs to be more important than their character. It’s time we learned to get along. If you disagree with somebody’s beliefs, feel free to have a rational debate with them.

Here’s to a more peaceful 2018.

Why academies get an F

The Tory government has repeatedly outlined plans for every single school in England to become an academy by 2022. An academy, for those unfamiliar, is a state school not under the local education authority. They are often run by chains funded by wealthy backers and were originally introduced to prop up failing schools. The first school in Sheffield to become an academy (in 2006) was a school in a very rough area with a very bad reputation. Incidents of violent bullying were common (one girl had her hair set on fire, whereas another had her face slashed). When it became an academy, its reputation improved. So did that of many other inner city schools. So the Government thought it would be handy to encourage non-failing schools to join the scheme.

So now we have more than half of all English secondary schools being academies and a growing number of primaries joining the scheme. In some towns (Bournemouth, Swindon and Doncaster being examples) all secondary schools are academies. The LEAs there are responsible only for a dwindling number of primary schools. It’s plain to see that the Tories are planning to cut education costs by eventually abolishing LEAs, hypocritcally while sending their children to expensive public schools. Without LEAs, thousands of children will be in the hands of people not fit to run a school. The horror stories of chain heads running off with the money will only increase once every school is an academy. And then, obviously the schools will close, causing neighbouring schools to become overcrowded and contribute to an inadequate learning environment.

Academies are not bound by the National Curriculum. Freedom of education, I hear you say. Isn’t that a good thing? Maybe so, but academies can theoretically abuse this to insert their own politics into their curriculum. Now I’m not saying the National Curriculum isn’t a propaganda machine, but take the rumours (albeit denied by the head) that one Christian academy chain is teaching young earth creationism instead of evolution and you’ll see why centralised guidance is better for everyone.

Academies are also free to charge fees, even in working-class areas where many people would be unable to afford them. Let’s say there’s a working-class area with two schools. One charges fees and is in a central location, whereas one doesn’t but is at the other side of the area. It would be unfair to the pupils who couldn’t afford to go to the central school to walk a far further distance every day just to get an education! Low-income parents are already struggling to pay for uniforms in which every little item must be bought direct from the school (in the name of “equality” apparently, even though very few 11 year olds can tell the difference between Sainsburys trousers and Gucci ones), but that’s another story.

In conclusion, the academy system will hurt English education. Parents are voicing outrage over it and have been for some time, but the Tories, as usual, are only listening to the sound of their own farts.