Category Archives: Uncategorized

In (what America likes to think is still) Soviet Russia…

Vlad: Ah, my favourite. Ten delicious sausages… and there’s two free! Wait…






In between wrestling with an alleged “clipon” bow tie that doesn’t clip on and a late exercise session, I am making my new year’s resolutions.

  • To lose weight. This has been up there for years.
  • To work hard. No more distractions.
  • To add to my wardrobe clothes of every colour. I don’t discriminate, except against feminine clothes. Those are ick to me. See bow tie dilemma above.
  • To finally get these wisdom teeth out. They are killing me.
  • To finally get an exercise bike where the left pedal doesn’t fall off every five minutes. Or fix the existing one to a tolerable standard.
  • To be more antiestablishment. There are establishment hacks who want me jailed for saying the truth. Well I’m not going to stop. Besides, aren’t you too busy starting a war with Russia to care?

Happy New Year folks, here’s to one with fewer famous people dying.

Crappal tunnel

I have a doctors’ appointment on Thursday (as well as one at the autism service, THEN some Christmas shopping so it’s going to be a long day… *sigh*) so I am definitely asking for a looser-fitting splint.

This splint is so tight that, firstly, it has come close to giving me sores. Only a tubular bandage under it has prevented any further rubbing. Secondly- and this is quite critical concerning my occupation and current events- is that the splint is not making symptoms better but worse. I am experiencing weakness and pain, signs of later-stage carpal tunnel. This deteriation is in spite of my performing stretching exercises to try and help in freeing the problematic nerve, and it seems that unless I get this splint changed I will need an operation, not handy (unintentional pun there) considering I have nine months of coursework beginning in January.

Pretty much everything I pride myself in is done with my hands (fnarr fnarr). I hope this problem resolves FAST.

Alternative etymologies for popular idioms

To cut a long story short– back in the 16th century, London editors would literally cut out bits of manuscript with a knife to shorten ones they felt too long.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush– originated amongst shooters in the upper classes. A true marksman, it was said, was to be able to shoot a bird from somebody’s hand at seventy paces.

Too many cooks spoil the broth– it was a common practice in pre-modern England for cooks to keep uneaten broth in the pot while filling it up with a new batch. The old broth would often congeal over time and make the entire dish less than appetising.

As the crow flies– geographers would determine the distance between two points by sending out crows and seeing how long it took for them to fly there and back.

A dog’s dinner– in rich households, poorly-made food was often fed to the dogs to avoid the chef bringing shame on the family by serving it.

Cutting a rug– court dancers often wore shoes with very high and narrow heels which were capable of putting holes in the carpet through excessive dancing.

Got any more? Submissions in the comments below and I will share the best!


Milkshakes in Maui

Ey up love, this is ‘News at Ten.

Are top story- two cheeky little buggers were spotted geein’ each other an ‘andy ahtside ‘Co-op up Intek.

Milkshakes in Maui are gainin’ in popularity after some sod on ‘telly sed they were bleedin’ scrumptious. Ah’d rather ‘ave a can a’ Magnet mesen but each to their own ah suppose.

‘Tories are still complete knobheads, and

Summat about Jose Mourinho.

Then we ‘ave ‘weather, presented by ‘lovely Weathertron Mark 69. Ey up, Weathertron.

Good evening, Stanley.

Weathertron, we taak Yaakshire round ‘ere. Taak Yaakshire!

I am simulating the Yorkshire accent.

I sed taak Yaakshire! That in’t taakin’ Yaakshire, that sounds like a southern ponce trahn’ ter mak fun o’ us!

Hello up, I am Weathertron. I am attempting to simulate t’Yorkshire way of speaking by processing dialectal inflections.

Bleddy ‘ell, these robots! Aren’t ‘alf useless are they!

Update on university situation

This morning, I recieved a document via post that says I have obtained a postgraduate diploma in Writing and will graduate with it in November. Due to several miscommunications my Masters degree has been terminated for now, and I am looking to reenter the degree programme.

If I do not reenter the degree this year, I intend to either:

  1. Reenter the year after or;
  2. Go for a different MA in another subject I specialise in (eg. linguistics)

If I do reenter this year, I will have to finish my Tutorial Development 1 by January. Fortunately I have the required amount of writing on my USB and plan to submit that with grammar and other edits.

I lost interest in the MA due to several factors including depression and lack of a structured timetable, but I get particularly fired up if I’m given a certain date to submit work by. I’ve written well over 1,000 new words today alone.

In the meantime I am proud to be graduating again in front of my family and friends with good marks. It also means I can get dressed up (yay). It’s quite an achievement for someone with Aspergers and multiple mental health issues.


Finally, and on an unrelated note, I plan to use the name “Szin Fletcher” for my published works. I have always envied those with the letter “Z” in their names as it is fairly uncommon in Britain. It also enables proper pronounciation as the ligature “sz”, while usually transcribed as /ʂ/ in IPA, is very similar to /ʃ/, appearing in several Slavic languages. It also looks cool and appears gender-neutral.

Szin Fletcher.

Just typing it feels good.

I have returned!

Well, I have returned from my little soiree to the seaside a little bit browner than usual. Like many Celts, I burn like hell then get a decent little tan. Was a begger getting out of bed on some days due to the burning though. Ow ow ow ow ow the edges of that caravan bed hurt.

I’m presently trying to get my brain back in gear and am failing miserably.

Hooray for procrastination.