Recently…

…I’ve been working on getting my mind in gear by turning off my internet when working.

It’s wonderful, but it can lead to downfalls. Just like chocolate.

I’ve found it working so far but my finger still hovers above the connections tab on my taskbar.

Maybe I should work in a locked room with just a typewriter and a glass of iced tea?

As International Womens’ Day comes to a close- yes, Emma Watson is right

Actor and feminist activist Emma Watson recently did a Vanity Fair shoot in which she showed off her boobs in a sheer top. Radicals were outraged and demanded to know why she was committing this horrendously misogynistic act.

Emma’s response? “Feminism is about choice.”

Let’s go back to the Victorian era. Women had little choice in what to do apart from marrying, reproducing, cooking and cleaning. They weren’t allowed to do most things men could freely- not just voting, but SMOKING and WEARING TROUSERS were staunchly off-limits. Feminism rose out of those circumstances to show this patriarchal society that women deserved far, far more.

Now the great-great-great granddaughters of these original feminists have reverted to the prudishness of their forebears. The radical feminist reaction to porn is nothing new- Andrea Dworkin and friends campaigned against the art alongside fundamentalist Christian groups in the 1980s- but now it seems all celebration of the female form is off limits. And that, in my opinion, is true sexism. Men can flaunt their chests all the time but Watson can’t? She is right. Feminism should be about a woman’s right to choose in all matters- what to wear, what to do, and yes, whether or not she should have an abortion. Body policing is about as UNfeminist as you can get!

(Quite hypocritically, I have noticed overlap between the porn-exclusionary feminists and the ones who elevate the vagina from reproductive organ to symbol of female empowerment. Baking vagina-shaped cupcakes for your 8 year old child’s class is alright but showing off no more than can be seen in a PG-rated movie isn’t?)

These people aren’t about choice, they’re about forcing their narrowmindedness on half of the world’s population. Remember when feminism was also called “women’s lib”? Emma Watson is liberating herself through the way she dresses! Liberation as a form of oppression- seems very Orwellian to me.

Happy International Women’s Day to everyone. My hope for the coming year is that these people realise that feminism is indeed about a woman’s right to choose.

It’s time for some changes

This weekend’s FA Cup fixtures see two sides from outside the Premier League, including the first non-league side to reach the quarter finals of the tournament. The reason for this isn’t just the luck of the cup though.

It’s the bigger sides’ arrogance, thinking they can field a full starting XI of reserves against “lesser” teams.

One of the few things the disaster that was the Checkatrade Trophy got right was imposing a limit on how many changes teams could make from their regular starting XI. That cup is actually meaningless and most teams didn’t listen. But the FA Cup continues to lose its lustre every time Arsenal field their under 5s against “lesser” opposition, as they will undoubtedly do against Lincoln on Saturday.

So my suggestion is this: Either Premier League clubs make no more than five changes from their regular starting XI or opt out of the cup. When Manchester United opted out of the FA Cup to play in Brazil, Brian Clough famously said “I hope they all get bloody diarrhoea”.

So there. Either give a shit about the cup or shit blood. Not a hard choice.

If French TV has a ban on broadcasting terrorists’ names and faces…

…will we ever get a ban on broadcasting Donald Trump’s name and face?

He’s no terrorist (at least not as of yet), but my God he’s an ugly little sod with an equally ugly name. Why on earth would his Scottish-born mother allow his father to bestow THAT last name on their children? I know it’s not American slang, and he probably didn’t get the same kind of treatment that, say, Dean Windass undoubtedly got at school, but come ON!

When your head of state is a cheesy Wotsit with a name that literally means “fart”, you need to address what went wrong to get him into office.

A shorts story

Why the hell was I wearing shorts in the middle of February after a snowstorm?

I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I didn’t care for Trump, I didn’t care for “the resistance”, I didn’t care for Claudio Ranieri, I didn’t care for anything. I mean, for a start I was British and still am. Trump would never my direct leader unless he took over Britain by force. I was neutral as neutral could be.

I finished my pint of water and went to the gents. I was the delightful grey covering the walls, the scrubbed-out graffiti saying Don’t Trust Anyone. I whipped my cock out. 3.5 inches flaccid. I didn’t particularly want it to be 35 unlike some of the men talking at the urinals about how their wives were shit in bed. I shook, zipped my shorts back up and went out to laughter.

I turned around. “How fucking DARE you insult my shorts!” I slammed the door.

More laughter.

Still stand by what I say.

The shorts are my god.

Whirling tiptoe strangers (inspired by my journey home today)

Humanoid clouds float around my presence, talking about everything from football to anal warts.

I try to sleep but the god of such is on vacation.

Graagh.

I doze into the music in my ears. Bowie tells me to read more into reality. Alice tells me to be just that little bit more anarchist. Freddie tells me to become larger than life. I construct a new reality from these distant echoes, one more involving than the various discussions.

Finally, I awake. I gargle with Super Cola™ and eat milk. Sugaaaar.

The Nintendo Switch- first impressions

Well, the Switch is here and I’ve seen it in action. So let’s give you a few first impressions.

  • The interface is closer to that of the PS4 and Xbox One than the Wii U and 3DS series. The default colour scheme is once again pure white but black is also avaliable in the options menu.
  • One can now switch (ha ha) easily between user accounts, represented by an avatar. This avatar can be customised by combining preset backgrounds and stock Nintendo graphics or the user’s Mii. There are plenty of background colours but stock art is somewhat lacking. This feature is clearly to prevent Little Johnny from seeing a picture of Donald Trump’s penis while playing Mario Kart.
  • The easy switching does have its drawbacks- one must now confirm one’s credit card details with every purchase. However this is understandable because nobody wants Little Johnny using their stored details to buy Super Overrated, Overhyped Game 5 for £too much.
  • The tablet screen is a lot heavier than I first assumed. However, it is still very portable. The screen is more like a mobile phone than a 3DS, responding to fingers as well as to stylii.
  • The cartridges are around the size of PS Vita ones. So keep them safe!
  • The framerate is far higher than the Wii U, as you can see when comparing Zelda versions.