Tonight we dine in fluff

To

morrow

we

return

to

stom

ping

gro

und.

So sayeth the Mage of Incredible Age to our young, supple hero of indeterminate gender.

After five twenty-minute long cutscenes, hero of indeterminate gender walks two steps… to be greeted by another set of boring cutscenes describing how to talk to people. HOIG already got told how to in a tutorial at the beginning. It’s the A button. HOIG presses A but the cutscenes still continue. It takes forty minutes this time for the deluge to end.

FINALLY.

HOIG is allowed to take THREE steps…

AND THEN THE CUTSCENES START AGAIN!

The real-life HOIG throws the 3DS down and goes outside.

Maybe you should too.

In continuence

I would like to announce that I have signed an exclusive deal with Super Cola™ to be its official blog partner!

Now, as part of the contract I must mention super-delicious™ Super Cola™ in every one of my blog entries. Failure to do so will result in termination. So if I mention “Drink Super Cola™” without any context, ignore it. If I don’t, please rebuke me severely. The same also applies if I don’t use the trademark symbol. I have to use the trademark symbol.

So…

Drink Super Cola™!

Drink Super Cola™!

Drink Super Cola™!

Now with fewer syringes!

In (what America likes to think is still) Soviet Russia…

Vlad: Ah, my favourite. Ten delicious sausages… and there’s two free! Wait…

Vlad:

ski.

Sun/Moon snark

Szin: Whew, that was a tough battle… now to the Pokécentre for some rest! 

NPC of the day: Here’s some crap for beating me. 

Szin recieved some crap!

Szin put the crap in the Items pocket, making the bag smell rather awful.

*Hau arrives*

Hau: I’m just here for the hell of it. If you missed us saying the first five thousand times, we have to go to Sum’wher Town and find the Team Skull grunts or whatever.

*Rotom Dex activates for no reason*

Rotom: What he said, Szin.

Hau: We have to go to Sum’wher Town and find the Team Skull grunts or something! Let’s go!

NPC of the day: Yes, you have to go to Sum’wher Town and do that. But before you go, let me heal your Growlithe. 

*cutscene finally ends twenty minutes later*

Rotom: Remember, we have to go to Sum’wher Town and find the Team Skull gruntzzz! Bzzt!

Szin: *takes right turn to Sumother Town*

Kid: Sorry, my Stoutland is a real thorough kind, please let him get all the stones before you go through, okay?

Szin: *dreaming of Kanto Fried Stoutland*

Happy Halloween

As I mentioned yesterday, the US election is a horror story in its own right. But there are many others to spook you this year.

• The continuing rise of ISIS
• The threat of another Cold War (see also US election)
• The neverending farce which is the Tory government
• The piling up celebrity deaths, many completely unexpected
• Global warming (see also every year since the 1960s)

And finally…

• Niantic customer services

Baby factory

Working on the baby production line is a blast. We pump them out by the million, all with a number-name printed on their tiny little foreheads.

From January to today the number scheme has been 16 with 66 being rolled out. People prefer fresh-off-the-line babies, often discarding older models. The 66 reg line will introduce a number of requested features including more genderless babies. As we are evolving towards a genderless society I feel this is a step in the right direction.

While working on the line may be a blast, it also has its disdvantages. They are prone to puke in my face and I always dread it being my turn to clean the meco off the production line.

Ah well, whatever gets me paid.

Trump Follies: an inconvenient slip of the tongue

In a bid to try and deflect criticism of his recent slip of the tongue at a rally in Buffalo, New York, Donald Trump went to his local 7/11.

He walked in expecting a middle-aged brown-skinned man in a turban at the counter, but instead got a young white female.

“Where’s Ali Bongo?” he asked.

“Listen here, Donald,” the girl said, pointing to the Bernie Sanders badge on her shirt. “We don’t like your divisive rhetoric around here. Now Bernie, he’s got my vote. You know why? Because he brings people together. Now you’re here instead of one of your servants because you fucked up yet again on live TV. Maybe next you should visit a mosque. To level things out, y’know.”

Trump jumped back and was frozen in shock for several minutes before saying “That’s MISTER TRUMP to you!” and walking out with a pack of Doritos. The girl turned to the camera and said “I’m practicing my Canadian accent just in case.”