Dear David

Let’s face it, it’s time for you to go.

But why did it take your shady offshore dealings for the question to even cross the lips of Parliament? Why not, say, your particularly callous brand of neofeudalism? I like to imagine you as Snidely Whiplash tying the poor and disabled to the railway track in between stroking your long, curly, probably pork-scented moustache.

I suggest you spend your retirement making some onshore dealings. The Old Bailey sounds good.

Sinead

PS: I’m readying the bubbly.

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